


DIRTY LITTLE SECRET {lashton}

by orphan_account



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Lashton - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 22:08:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 15,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3184985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*</p><p>'we need to keep this a secret.' 'what a secret?' 'us.'</p><p>*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1 {saying goodbye}

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINALLY POSTED ON WATTPAD BY USER @eskimuke  
> IT HAS SINCE BEEN DELETED AND POSTED ON HERE.
> 
> MISTAKES ARE INCLUDED, CAN'T BE BOTHERED EDITING.

*

'Do you not love me or something Luke?!' Ashton screamed at his supposed lover.

'Why would you think anything other than that?! I would do anything for you!' Luke retaliated as the other two boys in the next room could only listen and hope. As well as wait for the five boys of One Direction to come and help them put a stop to the fights that were re-occurring.

'Anything but tell the truth!' Silence washed over them. You could hear the ragged breaths, both panting and gasping for air from the shouting.

'Ash...' Luke's voice soften as he stepped forward, trying to comfort the love of his life. It was true though. Luke was willing to do anything but tell the world about how he felt about Ashton, and up until this point Ashton was fine with it. Or so he though.

Because in truth, Ashton was done with this a long time ago.

'Don't even bother.' Ashton whispered as Luke's hand was creeping towards his shoulder. He didn't even bother looking up, he knew Luke would look like someone had slapped him in the face, and Luke wished he had been. The pain would only stay for a short period but this would linger for while.

'What?' he asked, as the boys next door were growing worried. Usually the two boys came storming out after all the shouting, ignore each other for a hour, give or take, but this time was different.

This time Ashton was finally putting his foot down.

'Choose, me... Or your reputation.' He forced out as Luke gasped. He knew this was coming, but why now? Why so soon?

'You know I'll always choose you baby.' He tried to hug Ashton, but he, once again, stepped away.

'Then we admit in our next interview when they ask.' Luke stopped breathing for a moment. Sure he knew none of the fans would mind, most of them wanted the two boys to be together, but luke always had his doubts, insecurities about his body mainly, and these doubts, though as impossible as they were, always came out stronger than what he knew.

'I...' He tried to speak as Ashton finally looked up at him, tears in his eyes. He knew what Luke was going to say, Luke knew what Ashton's reaction would be, but it was too late, he was in too deep.

'Just... Don't even bother...' Ashton stuttered as his back banged against the door. In the other room the other two boys had let the One Direction gang in, telling them to shut up because this, as they had long feared, may be the end of the 'Lashton' relationship.

'What are you trying to say?' Luke whispered, eyes darting quickly from different spaces on the floor as tears welled in his eyes. Luke knew well enough what Ashton was trying to say, he just let the imagination that this was just a dream.

'You know well enough what I'm trying to say.' Ashton's voice grew louder, and suddenly they were back to yelling.

'How am I supposed to know if you wont tell me?!' Luke exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air and turning around, pacing back and forward, keeping a good couple metres away from Ashton.

'Don't even try to act dumb! But I guess your not really acting, right?!' This wasnt the first time Ashton had insulted Luke like that, and it was most defiant that it wouldnt be the last.

'Well then, why cant you just say it?!' Luke screamed, finally looking at Ashton, who was trying to breath, only getting shuddered breaths instead as he tried to calm down, only to shake his head at the younger boy.

'We're over Luke.' Ashton whispered, opening the door and slamming it shut as he fled into the spare room, past the boys.

Luke grew angry then. Of course this was the shared flat so he would have to clean up whatever mess he made anyway, but this was a mess that was beyond fixing. This was a mess that could have been avoided if only he had grown the balls and told the world they were together in the first place.

'Fuck!' he screamed, knowing full well everyone in the flat could hear him. He let his anger out, throwing things to the ground and smashing other things until Michael and Calum came in and just held him down for a moment, trying to calm him.

But try as he must, Luke couldn't calm down. Luke shoved the other boys away from him and locked himself in the bathroom, ignoring the constant pleas of the other boys.

Luke brought this upon himself, he needed to deal with this himself.

But Luke just couldn't.

*


	2. 2 {locked up}

*

Luke had locked himself in the bathroom for a good three hours now, and all the boys could hear was things smashing, crying and the nothing, the cycle repeating.

Ashton wasnt much better though. Although he didnt lock himself up, he would winced every time he heard something smash or the other boy cry.

It didn't really help that on this very day, it was their two year anniversary.

'Luke, please.' Liam called as calmly as he could to Luke through the door.

'Fuck off would ya Liam?' was all he got in response. Sure, it hurt Liam but Louis was quick to defend him.

And maybe he said the wrong thing...

'Just because you fucked things up, doesn't mean you have to take it out on people who care about you, you're acting like an ass.'

'Guess you are what you like, right Louis?'

Before Louis busted that door down and bet the shit out of Luke, his boyfriend was quick to come in an calm him.

'Lou, babe, calm down.' Of course Harry always knew how and when to calm Louis down before things got to hands on, though Harry never really minded when Louis got hands on with him, but thats not the point.

'Guys, you can leave now, no point waiting for him.' Zayn emerged from Ashton's room, shooing the boys away, nether the less, Louis stayed.

'Luke, open this door.'

no reply.

'Luke, please.'

*Thump*

'Louis, quickly, kick the door down!'

Louis was quick to help as all the boys, even Ashton had gathered around in the hallway, looking in with worried eyes as Louis kicked the door down.

But the room was empty.

*

'Luke you little shit, where the fuck have you been?' Michael exploded when a not-so hung-over Luke walked through the door at five in the morning.

'I went for a walk.' Was all he replied.

'For this long?'

'Yeah.'

'Do you have any idea how worried we've been?!' Calum cried as Luke walked past them, completely ignoring them.

'Luke!' Michael shouted.

'Go away Michael.' Luke sighed as he slammed the door shut.

The two boys left in the lounge frowned, it hadnt even been a full twenty four hours and already Luke was going insane from not having Ashton.

But what they didnt know was that in the room Luke had just slammed shut, Ashton was sitting on the bed waiting.

'Why did we have to do that?' He sighed helplessly as Luke kissed his jaw, leaning over him.

'Because need to keep it secret.'

'What a secret?'

'Us.'

*


	3. 3 {secret kink}

*

'Get up you lazy fuck.' It was Michael banging on the door at six in the morning to wake Luke up. He turned around and opened his eyes, looking at where Ashton usually would be lying.

But then he remembered.

To be honest, he dont know why Ashton even went along with it, he was sure that Ashton would look at him weirdly then just laugh.

Luke didnt even know why he did it, but he just loved secrets. He loved finding out secrets, he loved making secrets, but his most favorite thing to do was choosing whether he should exploit the secret, or keep it to himself.

I guess you could say Luke had a secret kink. No the kink wasnt secret, it was an actual secret kink. Meaning that for some strange reason, he found secrets sexy.

It was all part of his plan. Him and Ashton had been having 'fights' for a couple months now, before either Luke or Ashton would miss each others comfort and just walk over to the other one and just cuddle while the other two boys would just roll their eyes.

'Oh hey Niall.' Luke heard Calum greet Niall.

'Hey boys, where's Luke?' Luke quickly pulled on his pants and shirt, just before Niall calmly closed the door, facial expressions un trust worthy.

'Hey.' Luke spoke emotionlessly, trying to act as if he had been hurting, when in reality, he had slept just fine.

'Cut the sad act and tell me why.' Niall snapped quietly, trying to make it so the other boys couldn't hear them.

'What act and what is their to tell?' Luke fake sighed, hoping, no praying, that Niall wouldn't find out the secret.

He wanted to keep this for himself... And of course Ashton but whatever.

'Why did you make Ashton do that?'

'Do what?' And now Luke was getting nervous, had Ashton told? Ashton never could never keep a secret. Luke must have been stupid when he thought Ashton could keep this secret.

'Break up in front of the boys but have a secret relationship, he tells me everything you know.' Luke took a sharp intake of breath.

'Why do you care?'

'Do you have a secret kink or some shit? Because it sure seems like it! You always want to know whats going on and now this!'

'And what if I do? What's really wrong with that?!' Luke exclaimed as Niall just shook his head, walking towards the door.

'Just think about what you're doing to Ashton, he really does care about you and here you are being a dick.'

'Get out Niall.'

'Fine, fuck you anyway.'

*

On the other side of the house, Ashton was sitting, just wondering if he had made the right decision.

Sure. He loved Luke, but was this just too far? The boys had never kept secrets before, ever. In fact, they were the ones who had pressured Luke and Ashton to date, not that they disagreed.

'Ash, you okay?' Niall came walking out of Luke's room with a slightly saddened expression.

'Did I make the right choice?'

'What with?' Ashton looked around the room, making sure the boys werent around, he wasnt even meant to tell Niall let alone the anyone else.

'This whole ordeal over all, it just feels wrong and I just don't know what to do, how to feel, because it feels like he owns me.' Ashton let out a sigh as Niall creased his eyebrows in worry, but he sighed because yes, he knew the answer.

'With the way your going, he will own you one day.'

*


	4. 4 {yes/no}

*

ashton sighed as the door opened. luke, michael and calum had left only before, having had enough of the awkwardness, michael was made to go with luke and ashton just really wanted to be alone as his mind was exploding. instead of moping and actually thinking, he decided to put the space to good use and finally put the words to use.

'oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh

lifes a tangled web  
of cell phone calls and hashtag I-dont-knows  
and you youre so caught up  
in all the blinking lights and dial tones  
i admit im a bit of a victim in the worldwide system too  
but I've found my sweet escape when im alone with you

tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps  
here in the moment on the dark side of the screen

i like the summer rain  
i like the sounds you make  
we put the world away  
we get so disconnected  
you are my getaway  
you are my favorite place  
we put the world away  
yeah were so disconnected

oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh  
we're so disconnected  
oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh

hands around my waist  
you're counting up the hills across the sheets  
and im a falling star  
a glimmer lighting up these cotton streets  
i admit im a bit of a fool for playing by the rules  
but ive found my sweet escape when im alone with you

tune out the static sound of the city that never sleeps  
here in the moment on the dark side of the screen

i like the summer rain  
i like the sounds you make  
we put the world away  
we get so disconnected  
you are my getaway  
you are my favorite place  
we put the world away  
yeah were so disconnected

turn off the radio  
those late night TV shows  
hang up the telephone  
and just be here with me

turn off the radio  
those late night TV shows  
hang up the telephone  
and just be here with me

i like the summer rain  
i like the sounds you make  
we put the world away  
we get so disconnected  
you are my getaway  
you are my favourite place  
we put the world away  
yeah were so disconnected

i like the summer rain  
i like the sounds you make  
we put the world away  
we get so disconnected  
you are my getaway  
you are my favorite place  
we put the world away  
yeah were so disconnected

oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh  
we're so disconnected  
oh oh o-o-oh, oh oh o-oh.'

that had blown about two hours and none of the boys had returned yet. ashton sighed, that was all he had been feeling all these pasts month, and looking at the lyrics he had written without a thought, he knew. he knew he had to do something. because him and luke, they were oh-so disconnected.

*

luke sighed as the boys were trying to cheer him up, but truth be told, his plan seemed to be falling apart because holy shit. this was such a big secret and holy shit, what was he thinking because holy fucking SHIT! what was even going on in his fucking brain when he thought he could handle this?! he didnt know because he wasnt even thinking! right now he just wanted to say it was a big misunderstanding and say what really happened but it was a month to late.

the boys had given up hope and niall, fucking niall horan, had threatened to tell all the boys what was really happening if they didnt, not exactly like that, their was way more swearing. but what was luke to do?

but as the boys finally entered the house they heard ashton jamming on his drums, singing a song none of the boys had heard. as they inched close niall came out smiling, it dropped the slightest when he noticed luke but got even bigger when he noticed how grim luke looked. because luke knew, this was the song the boys had been waiting for.

this was the break-up song.

'great innit it? 'e calls it 'disconnected'!' as the boys listened harder luke knew everything about what ashton was singing, he was singing about how hurt ashton had been feeling, because luke had been feeling it too, but luke was acting, and ashton wasnt. ashton was naming some of the things he had been feeling, he was stating what he wanted, he was saying everything luke should have done, that luke didnt do, that ashton had to do, just to keep it going.

'its unbelievable!' calum smiled, and the boys smiled as if luke wasnt the cause of the song, as if luke wasnt even their. and luke didnt care, he was to messed up in his feelings.

tell them.

dont tell.

tell.

dont.

tell.

no.

yes.

no.

yes.

'arghh!' he screamed in anger as the three boys stopped their conversation, he managed to scream right at the point ashton had decided to walk out and finally spot the boys, he simply frown as luke seemed to be having a panic attack.

tell them now.

'i like the summer rain.'

no, everything you planned.

' i like the sounds you make.-

who gives a shit?! its gone now, tell them!

'we put the world away.'

we can still pretend!

'we get so disconnected'

what?! that your not a fucking prick? 

'you are my getaway'

that is doesnt hurt!

'you are my favorite place'

but it does! so tell them! 

'we put the world away' 

no! we can sti-

'yeah were so disconnected'

'fuck up!' luke screamed, once again to himself as he seemed to be having a full-blown panic attack. his breathing was getting heavy and he couldnt see, as if he was going to faint. but as the boys tried to help he just kept chanting 'fuck off, just fuck off' and the boys, thinking he was meaning them, left him, just watching as he calmed down.

but as soon as he calmed, he took a look at the boys, and the lyrics came back, and the war came back. with one last final scream of pain he sprung up and sprinted out the front door. leaving all the boys scared out of their wits.

they had seen something like this happen before, but never to this extent. and when it happened before,

luke was gone for a week.

*


	5. 5 {where's luke?}

*

none of the boys had known what had cause lukes panic and sudden rush.

apart from niall and ashton.

the two exchanged a look of worry, for how would they have known that this would affect luke the most? luke had always worn a hard cover but it turns out underneath he was effected just as much as ashton was, possibly even more.

in fact, their was no 'possibly' about it. it had effected luke more than ashton, even though it was lukes idea. how this was possible only ashton knew. ashton had more experience in finding the light out of situations, he had always managed to find good in any situation, and that was mainly because of luke.

it may not have been lukes fault completely that ashton was so used to all this 'abuse' but luke was a good part of it. no matter how hard ashton tried to deny it, it always brought him back to luke. it seemed that every second of the day, his mind was all over luke.

'is he okay?'

'does he like what im wearing today?'

'does he miss me like i miss him?'

'does he even care?'

'lukelukelukelukelukelukelukelukelukeluke.'

that wasnt even quarter of what was on his mind. it was always questioning about luke, and as much as ashton liked luke, he was getting sick of it. because at this point, he was losing faith in lukes commitment towards ashton.

'should we wait or...?' niall commented finally, breaking everyone from their thoughts, all of them targeted on luke, though ashtons was for a different reason. calum shook his head though, as much as he wanted to search for him.

'luke will come back when he wants to.'

and so they resumed the day, trying not to think of luke.

but ashton would always be thinking of luke, no matter how hard he tried not to. but ashton had made his decision on where him and luke stand, and so after seeing that luke had taken his phone, he sent luke a quick text.

but ashton never got a reply.

*

luke clenched his jaw at ashtons text. sure he knew he shouldnt have even bothered looking but he hoped, oh how he hoped, that it was a sign they were looking for him. though he was having the war in his mind still, it changed topic.

'answer it.'

'dont.'

'and look like a prick?'

'can we already look more of one?'

'its only a text, so answer it!'

'he can get fucked!'

'oh you just wish you can do that one more time right?!'

'as do you.'

it continued along like this until luke finally groaned and checked his phone, it seemed ashton had made his decision and luke knew he couldnt go back their for a while. he had to much anger in his system and would probably punch someone.

so luke continued to wander, where he was, he didnt know. he was to lazy to check locater because lets face it, he was not going back any time soon in this state.

hair a mess, tears in eyes and red brimming around the edges and he was sure to have some small bald spots from where he pulled on his hair a little to much.

all in all he was a little too depressed, and it would take a miracle to go back.

*

it had been five hours. the boys hadnt heard from luke at all and ashton was getting worried.

'you were to harsh.'

'no i wasnt.'

'you totally were.'

'since when did you start saying totally?'

'since now...'

'back to the point...'

'you were being way to mean.'

'how?'

'you could have said it in person.'

'that would hurt him more.'

'no it wouldnt have.'

'explain.'

'he would have seen how sad you were, how he was destroying you piece by piece...'

'...'

'... he would have known...'

*

'from: ashhyyyyxx

ive made my decision, im just done with it all right about now, im done with this world, with the band, but out of everything, im mainly done with us.'

*


	6. 6 {the only reason}

*

'dont talk, let me think it over  
how we gonna fix this, how we gonna undo all the pain  
tell me, is it even worth it, looking for a straight line  
taking back the time we can't replace

all the crust wires  
just making us tired  
is it too late to bring us back to life

when i close my eyes and try to sleep  
i fall apart and find it hard to breathe  
you're the reason, the only reason.  
even though my dizzy head is numb  
i swear my heart is never giving up  
you're the reason, the only reason.

i feel you, burning under my skin  
i swear i see you shining  
brighter then the flame inside your eyes

bitter words spoken, everythings broken  
its never too late, to bring it back to life

When i close my eyes and try to sleep  
i fall apart and find it hard to breathe  
you're the reason, the only reason.  
even though my dizzy head is numb  
i swear my heart is never giving up  
you're the reason, the only reason.

youre the reason  
youre the reason

dont talk, let me think it over  
how we gonna fix this, how we gonna undo all the pain

When i close my eyes and try to sleep  
i fall apart and find it hard to breathe  
you're the reason, the only reason.  
even though my dizzy head is numb  
i swear my heart is never giving up  
you're the reason, the only reason.

When i close my eyes and try to sleep  
i fall apart and find it hard to breathe  
you're the reason, the only reason.  
even though my dizzy head is numb  
i swear my heart is never giving up  
you're the reason, the only reason.'

luke took a deep breath as he put the note book down. it had been a month and so far, nothing was going good. for him anyway. ashton was getting happier, which is all luke every really wanted, but it was killing him that it was him that was making ashton happy.

not this time.

luke had fled after doing the tours, simply stating he needed time alone, time to get better, time to think of a way to fix everything. so far he had done what months ago would have been impossible.

he had come out to the public as gay.

and what for? he didnt have ashton anymore, he didnt have anyone to be with, he just had his lonely self as everyone was rooting for 'lashton' to come out, and luke was with them. but ashton was happy. ashton was happy without luke, and even though it was killing luke, he was going to anything to stop himself from interfering because he cared, and ashton would hate him, even more than he already did.

so as luke went to the recording studios, before the other boys, he started testing out the song he had written, strumming along rather harshly to the beats on his guitar and belting out all the words, thinking he was alone.

but after repeating this process in the other tunes, set for the other boys if they liked the song, he turned around and was shocked to find the boys staring at him with wide eyes. luke had never been one to express himself, especially in song, so this was a first for the boys as they continued to look at luke, who looked down right uncomfortable.

but even though luke would never know, this song was a blessing to ashton. it basically explained that luke had been feeling as bad as ashton had. because in truth, ashton had only been happy because of these reasons...

1| luke came out to the public.

2| luke was giving ashton space.

3| luke had wrote a song the was about them.

4| luke hadnt commented anything nasty about ashton in the song.

5| luke.

because as much as ashton wanted to hate luke, he couldnt. it was impossible. ashton knew he should hate luke, many, many people had told him so. but it was not an option, because every time luke caught his eye, he saw so many emotions.

anger.

frustration.

love.

depression.

happiness (though ashton didnt know why).

regret.

missingness.

hurt.

but the one that stood out most was one that ashton had been feeling while with luke.

depression.

but even though ashton had felt that with luke, he felt that without luke.

and ashton was so fucking confused.

*


	7. 7 {memory 1}

*

7 months before, luke and ashton alone, writing what would soon be 'heartache on the bigscreen'

 

*

'hey babe.' ashton smiled as luke plopped down beside him, wrapping an arm around ashtons shoulders in the process as ashton cuddled into his arm, sighing contently as his head fell neatly into lukes upper torso.

'hey, good day?'

'better now your here.'

'your just way to cheesy for my liking.'

'then why do you stay?'

'because why would i leave?' the response left a bigger smile on ashtons lips as luke gently kissed his forehead, ashton feeling luke grin as he left his forehead.

'so what are we doing today?' ashton asked moments later after getting tired of the silence.

'how about writing a song for the new ep? we need some new ones anyway.'

'sure, why not.'

and so they decided on writing two separate songs, before finally getting the finishing product.

*

 

*

Started out like in the movies  
But it ended like a bad dream  
Curtain opened, heard the crowd roar  
This one's a repeat, seen it before

ashton talking about how cliché this whole secret relationship it was.

*

 

*

Rewind to the start before it all went wrong  
What's going on?  
Fast forward to the end, after everyone's gone home  
And they've forgotten it all

luke talking about how he noticed things were heading in the wrong direction.

*

 

*

This ain't a movie that I wanna see  
A tragic story, starring you and me  
Yell "cut", we're stuck inside this scene  
This is heartache on the big screen  
The clock is ticking, and I'm out of time  
The camera's rolling, and I forgot my lines  
My script is ripped and now I see

them both talking about how this all seems played out.

 

*

 

*

This is heartache on the big screen  
This is heartache on the big screen

luke talking about how since everyone was watching them, it was a 'heartache on the big screen'.

*

 

*

Curtain closes on this cliché  
A good story of a bad day  
Back to square one, where I started  
As I stand here, broken-hearted

ashton talking about how the two are probably going back to square one.

*

 

*

Fast forward to the end, after everyone's gone home  
And they have forgotten it all

ashton talking about how maybe, just maybe, once this whole experience is all over, they can have a relationship.

*

 

*

This ain't a movie that I wanna see  
A tragic story, starring you and me  
Yell "cut", we're stuck inside this scene  
This is heartache on the big screen  
The clock is ticking, and I'm out of time  
The camera's rolling, and I forgot my lines  
My script is ripped and now I see

*

 

*

This is heartache on the big screen

*

 

*

If Hollywood could see me now  
I'd get the starring role  
But they won't so I'll just keep on acting a fool

luke meaning that if this life of his was ever a movie, he was get the staring role.

*

 

*

This ain't a movie that I wanna see  
A tragic story, starring you and me  
Yell "cut", we're stuck inside this scene  
Yeah  
The clock is ticking, and I'm out of time  
The camera's rolling, and I forgot my lines  
My script is ripped and now I see

*

 

*

This is heartache on the big screen  
This is heartache on the big screen  
This is heartache on the big screen.

*

 

*

little did these two boys know, that this whole prediction of a song, was about to come true.

*


	8. 8 {dream 1}{smut}

*

I stared at the clock, utterly fixated on the hands. They moved so goddamn slow, that irritating tick they gave off teasing me mercilessly. He was going to be here soon, 11 o’clock at night on the dot. If there was one thing I knew about Ashton, it’s that he was always on time.

10:58.

I’d been sitting here on our apartment sofa for the past hour and a half, hoping that he may get here earlier. His musky cologne, his laugh, those goddamn dimples. This was extremely infuriating. I had set everything up so that our reunion -since he went to go visit his family for a couple of months- would be perfect. The smell of lavender wafted through the air, candles lining up the hall leading to our bedroom, I even wore one of his plain black tees. It was the one I first wore when we spent the night together, it even had his warm scent.

10:59.

My attention immediately turned to the wooden door that he would come through. One more minute. One more minute and he’ll be here and he’ll be mine. No more Skype's or Facetimes, I’ve even grown to hate my phone and computer just because it was such an awful reminder of just how far away he was from me.

10:59.

The large hand was inching towards the twelve, and I found myself shivering from excitement. So close.

Once it reached the forty second mark, I even began counting down the twenty seconds left. However before I could even reach forty five, the door literally burst open. Off the doorframe.

Ashton appeared, a backpack strapped loosely to him and two other duffel bags in his large hands. The look on his face.. His brows knitted together, his stunning dark grey eyes staring directly into my own, his jaw clenched so tight I swear it looked like he was about to break each one of his teeth.

"Ashton," I mumbled, my eyes widened. Did he seriously just break down our door?

Before I could say another syllable, he shoved his bags off of him, nearly ripping off the straps, and stormed towards me, removing his shirt in the process. With a single swing of the arm, he carried me up so that I was straddling his broad hips, swiftly setting his soft lips on mine. I felt myself melt, nearly removing my grip on him, as he gently but passionately moved our lips together in perfect sync. He nibbled on my bottom lip, before moving downwards and planting multiple kisses on my neck.

"Welcome home," I barely whispered, out of breath. Like I gave a shit. A rather loud sound escaped my throat as he reached my sweet spot, his tongue trailing down.

"Bedroom, now," he growled. Before I could get myself down, he pressed my chest into his toned, shirtless torso, his muscled arms encircling me, ensuring that I wouldn’t fall back. He practically sprinted to our bedroom, quickly slamming the door behind us with his foot.

I let out a string of curse words as my back met the soft sheets of our bed, Ashton wasting no time in removing my shirt.

"Jesus Christ," he let out a pained groan, "Not even underwear? You’re killing me, Luke."

Grinning, I pulled his neck back down so that our lips met again, wrapping my legs around his waist and forcefully rubbing him against me. Ashton realized what I was doing and grinded back, his lips never leaving mine but in fact growing more and more aggressive. As he removed his jeans, he moved south and back to my neck, harshly sucking on the skin.

"Ashton," I moaned, throwing my head back. His teeth grazed the skin, his hot breath fanning it as he moved back up.

"Couldn’t resist," he said huskily. "Let me put on the–"

"Don’t, it’s okay. Just please don’t stop."

For a second he stared at me, his eyes wandering down to my lips. A look of understanding filled his eyes, that same boyish spark in his eyes he held when I’d first made eye contact with him. He sighed, gently kissing my forehead. “I love you so fucking much.” Between each syllable he left another peck.

"I love you too," I replied. I was so lucky to have Ashton, I swear. I didn’t deserve such a perfect human being, I really didn’t.

My hand soon wandered down to his massive, throbbing erection as he quickly removed his underwear. I began to slowly stroke him, starting from the head and working down to the bottom where I caressed him. He clenched his eyes together, biting his bottom lip. He began to move his hips a bit.

"Faster," he whispered, "Just like that."

My fingers rubbed at the swollen head, wrapping themselves around the shaft and pumping. He took in a quick intake of air as I sped up, before immediately setting my hands to my side. “Stop it,” he pleaded, “I don’t want to come yet.”

Without a second to waste, I felt his large member at my entrance, I was kind of used to no prep from when we were in a rush. “Are you sure?”

I nodded, unable to form anymore words. I couldn’t take it anymore.

And slowly, he began taking gentle strokes, gradually feeding me the first two or three inches. His chiseled face was strained, beads of sweat running down from his moppy brown hair and onto his temple.

"Ashton," I mumbled, "Ashton it’s okay, you can go further."

As if relieved, he began to grow more vigorous, his entire, large length entering me so that I could feel his balls. My hands went to his back, gripping near the neck tightly. My nails began to dig into his tanned skin, slowly trailing down and leaving deep red lines. By the noises he began smothering into my neck, I assumed he liked it.

His shaking hands removed strands of hair from my face that had fallen with the sweat, as he then set his palms underneath my head and craned his neck downwards so that our lips met again. Ashton wasn’t gentle this time, as his tongue invaded my mouth, swirling against my own before he once again bit my bottom lip. I let out one hell of a moan, not even trying to disguise the sexual thrills running up my spine.

"Luke," he breathed, his voice slightly cracking, "Luke, I’m gonna come."

He was about to pull out, but I immediately straddled his shoulders, pressing him tighter to me than I ever had before. He let out a gasp as we both reached our climaxes, a warmth spreading into my stomach as I throbbed against his length.

"Holy fuck," he said, breathless, laying multiple kisses across my chest. He removed himself and rolled over, his soft hand taking my own and squeezing tight.

"I missed you." I grinned, as he gave me one last gentle kiss.

"I missed you more." I chuckled as he cuddled into his chest,

"Seeing as how you broke the door down, I believe that."

*


	9. 9 {hiding}

*

when luke had awoken in the morning, he had found himself with a bit of a problem down below. he inwardly groaned as he saw the sweat patches covering his bed.

he knew that the dream had been pretty steamy, but never thought it would affect him that much.

he knew it was rare, very rare, for ashton to top, and when he did things got pretty intense.

but luke never really let ashton top, because luke just loved to see ashton wriggling beneath him.

and luke had just made himself hard.

then again, it was the dreams fault, but he could not blame all the dream himself, for his dreams were only how he wanted them.

on the other side of the flat, ashton was thinking again. he knew he shouldnt be thinking as much as he was, but he couldnt help it.

he heard twisting and turning from lukes room while he had been awake at night. he heard the occasional moan and ashton could only think about what luke was dreaming.

but he didnt want to, because in the end, he had a problem that easily disappeared when he thought about a few key thing.

1\. dead puppies.

2\. crying luke.

3\. sad luke.

4\. angry luke

and many other types of luke that made him not want to do anything apart from die in a hole because luke wasnt beside him.

*

a month had passed and luke had successfully been avoiding ashton, but ashton couldnt help but worry.

did luke not love him anymore?

'of course he doesnt' ashton told himself bitterly.

he had asked the others if they knew anything, but they always had the same answer.

'no.'

luke had long grown depressed, it was at the point where he couldnt eat. yes, he wanted to eat, his body just wouldnt function with food.

ashton started to worry more as whenever luke would look at him, luke just pulled out a piece of paper and looked away.

but as ashton was snooping in lukes room one day when everyone was gone, he found a list that luke had obviously opened and refolded time and time again, at least thats what the folded, nearly falling off, creases told him.

why ashton should take me back:

1\. i know him best.

2\. im willing to do anything for him.

3\. i love him.

4\. i know how to treat him right.

why ashton shouldnt take me back:

1\. i ignored him.

2\. i wasnt willing to do anything for him.

3\. he probably doesnt love me.

4\. i didnt treat him right.

5\. hes way to out of my limit.

6\. the boys would probably kill me if i hurt him again.

7\. i would probably hurt him again.

but as ashton read through it, he noted that the 'why he shouldnt' list was much longer than the 'why he should'. and that was mainly because the 'why he shouldnt' was just filled with hate.

but one reason made him frown the most.

43\. im ugly. im fat and i dont deserve to be on this earth, let alone next to him.

'what are you doing?!' ashton turned around, dropping the list to see a shocked luke standing their, holding a jacket.

luke expected ashton to go ballistic, but no. instead,

ashton kissed luke.

*


	10. 10 {reunited then not}

*

luke didnt know what to do. he just kind of stood still, but then without thinking he started kissing back.

his head was screaming at him, telling him to stop because what the fuck was ashton doing?!

you shouldnt be kissing him!

who cares?!

me, your heart and you should also!

shut up! i can do what i want!

when you lose him again, dont say i didnt wan you.

fuck you.

but luke was just so selfish that he seriously didnt care, he was just caught up in the moment, both of them were, so they didnt hear michael and calum walk into the house.

they didnt hear michael and calum walk into the lounge.

they didnt hear michael and calum walk down the hall.

they didnt hear michael and calum walk into the room.

they did hear michael and calum drop something on the floor though.

as luke and ashton split apart quickly, michael and calum just stood still, not knowing what to do.

'w-wha-what the f-f-f-fuck?!' michael exclaimed after a few moments of awkward silence.

'its not what it looks like.' ashton exclaimed, but the look on the other two boys faces showed they did not believe him.

at all.

'it looks like you were kissing your boyfriend.' calum spoke, betrayal lingering in his voice.

'hes not my boyfriend!' luke exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air and walking back on step before moving up two.

'whatever you wanna think.' michael mumbled as him and calum left the room.

'what do we do now?' ashton groaned as luke was slowly realising that this was what would have happened if someone had found out.

with the burning rage in his stomach, he fled the room. he knew he shouldnt have done that, it would crush ashton, but he was just so mad.

not that he knew what for.

ashton just stood still for a moment after luke stormed out of the room.

'what the fuck have you done you fucking loser?' ashton groaned as he banged his head against the wall.

'exactly what i was thinking.' ashton just sighed as he heard a squeak from the bed, signalling calum had just sat down.

'i never thought things could be so fucked up.'

'you and everyone else.'

'progress was what was happening before you and michael walked in.' calum felt the slightest bit guilty because he knew how much both boys needed this to work out.

and not just for their own benefit.

*


	11. 11 {derek}

*

the next couple of days didnt pass by smoothly. not one bit.

for example, they recently had an interview and the lady asked no questions to anyone apart from luke for the whole hour, and even then the only question shes asked was what was it like being gay, and luke was long over that by the third time she mentioned it.

it also happened that everyone now believes that luke and some random guy called derek were dating, luke didnt even know anyone called derek, so it must have been a fan or something.

but then they had an interview with the one direction boys and management, and as soon as they walked in and all five boys were staring at him as well as another boy who wasnt that attractive, in lukes honest opinion, was sitting their smirking in ashtons spot, he knew nothing was going to go well.

'luke, boys, i want you to meet derek, this is lukes new boyfriend.' lukes chin visibly clenched tighter at those words, when had he ever agreed to that?

'fuck off, im not doing that.' luke growled and no one was surprised that he was fighting against management, because they knew lukes reason, everyone did.

'you have no choice.'

'cmon babe, im probably better than your ex anyway.' that shut the whole room up, even the management went pale and quiet as ashton just hid himself. they all expected luke to punch derek or something, but no, he just stood up and left as derek followed with a smirk.

ashton swallowed thickly as he watched the two leave the room. he suddenly felt awkward and weird. was derek really better looking than him? is that why luke left, because he thought so?

why would he leave over that?

why wouldnt he?

because he loves us.

were pathetic and you know it.

no, he loves us becau-

then why isnt he with us?

he needs time.

hes had over two months.

he just needs more time...

he doesnt love you and you know it.

*

'wait up sweet stuff.' luke scowled at the nickname. he was already pissed of beyond compare, so it didnt help that derek was following him.

'go away.'

'no, we are dating now.'

'like hell we are, your a wanker.' by this point they had reached outside and the first thing derek had done was give luke a bug kiss on the lips in front of all the fans.

all the paparazi.

ashton.

michael.

calum.

liam.

louis.

harry.

niall.

zayn.

everyone.

*


	12. 12 {gone}

*

now this time, it as ashton who was avoiding luke, and that was only because derek was their.

derek.

against everyones best interest they were made to listen to his life story and what he did whilst he was cuddled up next to luke, acting like a control freak.

isnt that luke did to us?

but he loved us.

how do we know luke doesnt love derek, maybe our relationship with him was a scam.

and thats what kept ashton awake most nights. just thinking about if luke and his relationship was a scam or not. but he didnt know what to think. the continuous thoughts invading his mind on this night was derek.

as much as he hated to admit it, derek was mildly attractive. shaggy brown hair, kind of curly at the tips with dark brown eyes and quite tall body with muscles on show with a ridiculous tan. it didnt help he had a little bit of a stuble and always smirked, no matter what the situation. but ashton would never admit he noticed all of these little details.

never.

'hey pretty boy.' ashton looked up from the fridge to see derek himself standing their, leaning against the wall with a smirk. surprise, surprise.

'what do you want derek?' ashton asked tiredly, though he didnt really care for anything he had to say, he just wanted sleep.

'you, gone.'

'gone?'

'away from me, away from luke, dead preferably.' derek shrugged as he walked over towards ashton, leaning over top of him as he snarled the last two words, making ashton cringe.

'why?' it was all ashton could ask. sure, people had told him to kill himself before, but never face to face, never this direct.

'because i know you and my darling luke had something, and i dont like it.'

'why do you care anyway?'

'because luke... hes mine.'

*

when luke awoke the next morning, he heard calls for ashton. he turned over and wasnt surprised to see derek in the corner, smirking at him.

'what are you looking at?' he asked grudgingly as he sat up right.

'just something...'

'alright, whatever.' suddenly the door burst open and a worried michael feel in in, breathless.

'luke, have you seen ashton?'

'no, i only just woke up. why?'

'because hes missing.'

*


	13. 13 {lost}

*

ashton didnt even know where he was, just that he woke up in a black room, with only a bed inside it, no other furniture and hardly any windows. he sighed as he picked himself off the floor and looked around, remembering how he had gotten their in the first place as he got his stuff and walked straight out the door.

*

''because luke... hes mine.'

'your saying that as if you own him.'

'according to the contract, i do sweets.' derek mumbled, finger tracing along ashtons chin, it was eventually slapped away though when ashton back away with a glare.

'he didnt sign the contract though.' ashton gulped as this would only mean one thing, luke signed the contract when he promised he wouldnt.

'babe, if he didnt sign the contract, would i be living here right now?' as derek asked that, he strode over to ashton and cupped ashtons chin in his hand, making ashtons face go all smoochy.

'get away from me.' ashton slapped dereks hand away from his chin as derek just simply chuckled,

'then leave, i dont want you here, and you dont want me here, and im not going anywhere anytime soon, so why dont you just leave? make things better aye?' ashton thought this over for a moment, shocked that he was even listening to derek as one in the morning, before finally nodding.

'lets make a deal, ill leave the house, if you leave me alone when i have to do anything with these boys. im still allowed to visit or whatever but i wont stay the night. deal?' 

'deal.'

they didnt even shake as ashton strode past derek into his room, packing up the things he knew he would need, his phone, charger, extra clothes, those things. he walked straight out the door, not looking back as he walked down the steps and onto the street, looking for the nearest hotel.

*

it was now three in the afternoon and the boys were searching madly for ashton, calling him continuously. it wasnt until three o five that calum got answered by ashton.

'yup.' was all ashton asked, he seemed out of breath and their were voices in the background, suggesting he got mugged.

'where are you and why have you not been answering?' calum hissed into the phone as everyone turned to look at him. louis and harry walking back in from searching for ashton as liam, zayn and niall were already back.

'HES HERE! I FOUND HIM!' 'ugh, fuck sakes.' the boys werent surprised as you could hear deep breaths coming from the other side of the phone along with screams. though they didnt know how many girls were their.

'ashton?' michael questioned as they heard the screams get louder.

'fucking, stupid fucking road block, make me go the long way, shit.' the boys were met with the beep as ashton lost his phone in the swarm of girls, all crowding around him.

'well that was rude.' calum commented as he put his phone away.

'at least we know hes alive.' liam tried to make it brighter, but derek - who had come out of no where - just chuckled.

'for now.'

*


	14. 14 {leave}

*

'whens he coming back? its been a week.' management asked as they were at another meeting, about ashton this time though. since the last time they had talked the boys had had no contact with him and they were getting worried. luke even more so as derek seemed to be gone half the time. not that he cared, just after his words a week ago he was staring to panic.

'if we knew, we would have told you.' calum sighed, but management didnt look impressed, making luke cringe.

'well do something about it then, this was all you guys.' that made luke the slightest bit confused and very mad, it was them, they had made him date derek and derek had probably caused ashton to leave.

'you blame us for your mistakes, typical.' that wasnt luke though, that was michael. it made everyone turn to look at him as he just shrugged, knowing he was defending his friends.

'what mistakes did we make?' one man from management questioned as this time it was louis that rolled his eyes.

'getting derek, i mean how dumb are you.' harry stifled a laugh beside him as luke smiled, knowing his friends had his back.

'keep in mind mr tomlinson and mr styles, we can always force you back into the closet.'

'they already know were gay though and do you really think they would believe that we just randomly, out of the blue, broke up with each other?' harry quirked an eyebrow as the management looked a bit pressured, almost as if they were breaking.

then again, that was how louis and harry managed to finally come out.

'well... those sorts of - cough - technicalities can be... uh... fixed... somehow...' and this was management breaking away from the serious posture and into the awkward, where they knew they were going to lose.

'oh yeah, how?' niall sat forward in his seat as at that moment, derek himself came striding through the doors behind them.

'well, final choice?' luke grinned wickedly as he leaned forward, hands clasped together as derek sat beside him, trying to get closer to him.

'fine! you win!' a man from management exclaimed as he walked out the door, patting his forehead down with a piece on napkin as the rest of them sighed, clearly not pleased with the situation.

'whats going on?' derek asked as he was continuously checking his phone. before management could open their mouths a scruffy looking ashton burst through the doors.

'well derek, your assistance is no longer needed, and ashton whats with you? were have you been?' one lady explained and asked calmly as the others took in his posture.

bags under eyes.

torn clothes.

slouched appearance.

visibly not happy.

'oh, just a run in with some people.' he mumbled, glancing towards derek who glared at him before turning his attention to his phone and texting furiously.

'what people?'

'oh, i think derek knows them, hmm?' ashton snarled as he looked towards derek who simply shrugged, smiling a little.

'i asked them to get rid of a problem,' his smile turned into a deep frown as he settled his eyes on ashton, 'which clearly failed since your still here...' he trailed off.

'here...' luke pushed.

'alive.'

*


	15. 15 {memory 2}

*

two years ago, michael and calum pushing ashton and luke into a room and locking the door, walking away to go up town.

*

'let us out!' luke screamed as he was banging on the door. he didnt mind being in the same room as ashton, it was just the two being alone that made him cringe.

'just give it up luke, its been half an hour, theyve already left.' ashton sighed, because honestly luke was hurting his feelings as ashton kept thinking that luke hated him, which he knew wasnt true, but whatever.

'we dont even have anything to do.' luke sighed, though their was a few things on his mind like kissing ashton, fucking ashton and... those again... instead he sighed again and sat down beside ashton.

'truth or dare?' ashton asked timidly.

'not enough to do.' luke sighed, looking around at the empty room which was meant to be furnished for the spare room.

'twenty questions?'

'why not?'

and so this is how the two found themselves playing twenty questions and finding nothing new about each other.

'okay, question twenty... who do you like at the moment?' ashton asked luke and luke swore his heart stopped. sure, the boys knew he had been gay for a long time now but tell ashton he liked him. that was something he wouldnt do. then he realised something.

michael and calum had set this up. 

well right about now luke wanted to punch them and kiss them - not literally because ew -

'probably a boy...'

'i know that, but his name?' luke swallowed. now or never.

'ashton irwin.' he mumbled quietly as ashton looked up at him almost immediatey, not quite sure if the right name had left lukes lips.

'who?'

'you.'

and so the two stated at each other for a moment, neither of them moving away from each other. finally, luke leaned down and kissed ashton softly, afraid for rejection.

it wasnt until they got used to the feelings that ashton wrapped and arm around lukes neck, pulling him closer as luke gently laid ashton on the ground.

after they pulled away a couple of minutes later, they smiled.

'question number twenty, who do you like?'

'just some idiot named luke hemmings.'

*


	16. 16 {dream 2}

*

Ashton sighed as he stared at the clock, he'd been gone for ten minutes now, and it didn't look like he was coming back anytime soon.

He rolled over as he huffed. Did it really take this long to get some stupid milk?! I mean, he could have waited until a suitable hour, but no. Luke just had to leave at three in the morning for fucking milk.

Ashton heard the rattling of keys in the door and he smiled, thinking Luke was home, took him long enough. But as Ashton decided to walk down the hall to see his lover he stopped dead in his tracks.

Luke didn't have brown hair.

Luke wasn't that tan.

Luke wasn't that tall.

Luke didn't have shaggy hair.

Luke wasn't here because when the person turned around Ashton stopped breathing.

'Fuck Luke, you scared me.' Ashton sighed as Luke's smiling face. Luke simply chuckled - one that did not in any way sound like Luke - and advanced towards Ashton, planting a big kiss on his lips.

'Not again Luke, please.' Ashton mumbled through the roughness of Luke's lips, they had already done that and Ashton certainly wasn't ready for round two yet.

'Who says I'm Luke.' Luke's voice got darker as Ashton looked at him confused.

'But, you are look, I mean, who could you be?' Suddenly the light started flickering on and off as lightening started in the storm that was already happening.

Dust started poring out of Luke and Ashton was afraid to watch but simply couldn't tear his eyes away. This was no dream, it was a nightmare.

Because as the dust was wasting away from Luke's body, another was forming, and Ashton screamed when the transformation had finished.

This was no longer Luke.

It was Derek.

'Come here babycakes.' Derek started advancing towards Ashton, but Ashton was quicker, bolting out the door and running down the street to Michaels house in his pyjamas.

'Michael, Michael open this fucking door right now.' Ashton pounded on the door, not caring what time it was or how many people he woke up.

'What Ashton?' A tired Michael opened the door minutes later.

'Okay so some-' Ashton stopped mid sentence because something was happening with Michael. He was getting brighter and brighter and Ashton quickly ran we he saw Derek forming.

'Come back sweetens! I love you!' Derek called as Ashton ran to Calum's house, with was a further away, so when he arrived he was out of breath.

'Thought you could escape from us sugar?' Ashton turned around and saw the two Derek's behind him. His breath and heart rate quickened as he pounded on the door, only to fall in seconds later and fall onto his back on the floor.

When he opened his eyes he saw three Derek's standing over him, smirking.

One had a gun.

One had a knife.

One had a hammer.

As Ashton quickly stumbled to his feet and fled to the nearest room, locking it he took a deep breath and looked around. He realised he was in Calum's bathroom.

As he rubbed his face he noticed a change. His cheeks were chubbier than this. His face didn't feel like this, his hair was longer.

He quickly scrambled to the mirror and looked he screamed.

'Hello princess, time to die.'

Because when he looked in the mirror all he saw was Derek.

Holding a knife.

*


	17. 17 {promise}

*

ashton laid awake the next night, faring sleep. he tended to avoid the boys that day, faring that his ridiculous dream would come true.

ashton sighed and rolled over as he heard the door open silently and the creak of feet against the wooden floor.

he next felt the end of the bed dip and a warmth ness which he gladly rolled into as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer as a chin rested on his forehead.

neither boys talked or moved, they just stayed still, enjoying each others embrace. it had been a while since they had been this close, and they both planned on savouring each and every second.

'luke?' ashton was first to break the silence as he got a hum in reply, 'what do we do now?'

luke pulled his chin off ashtons forehead and looked ashton directly in the eyes, not much space between lips.

'we wait.' his breath was hot on ashtons cold lips and luke noticed, but didnt do anything, fearing he would ruin the moment.

'what for?' on the other hand, ashtons breath was cold as his hand moved up towards lukes torso, only to stop halfway and move away from luke, eyes wide as he lifted up lukes top.

'please, dont.' luke tried to cover his stomach, pain in his voice, but it didnt stop ashton, because next lukes top was on the ground and he had nothing covering his stomach.

'luke...'

'i regret it yknow.'

'then why do it?' luke didnt have tears in his eyes, neither did ashton, they had been through far worse.

'my body... it just wouldnt accept food.' ashton frowned deeper. he had known luke was depressed, but not this much. he didnt think luke could ever do this.

then again the damage wasnt as bad as it could be. sure, you could see bones, but only ever so slightly. it was extreme yet it wasnt normal.

'that doesnt even...' he couldnt find words, but he didnt need too because soon his lips were so blue from the cold that luke had no choice but to connect lips.

not that he didnt want to or anything.

as ashton kissed back his lips gradually warmed up, but neither of them cared anymore, to caught up in the kiss.

'long enough.' ashton mumbled against the kiss as luke only chuckled, straddling him.

'shut it.'

as clothes started disappearing, so did the worries, the memories, everything.

it was only the two of them.

*

as luke pulled out of ashton a little while later, ashton had one mode thing to ask.

'promise you wont leave.'

'promise.'

*


	18. 18 {normal}

*

normal.

that was what everyone had returned to. you may be the slightest bit interested in what 'normal' was exactly. well, heres a schedule of what it was.

6:00 am

wake up slowly and try not to die because of the coldness and how tired you are because you were up until past midnight doing... things...

6:30 am

finally decide to get out of bed.

6:45 am

get out of bed.

7:00 am

go into the kitchen and tiredly eat breakfast, trying not to let your head fall into the bowl of milk and cheerios.

7:15 am

get dressed and leave the flat, ignoring how much you just want to sleep.

8:00 am

get into the stuidos and start recording songs for the new album.

12:00 pm

go out for lunch, ignoring each others protest since ashton wants chinese, luke wants fish 'n' chips, calum wants food and michael wants subway. in the end just get want you want because fuck everyone else.

1:30 pm

go meet the one direction boys and chat for a while.

2:00 pm

get made to do the sound check, moan for a while but then decide to just do it because the sooner you get it other with the soon you can sleep...

or other things...

5:00 pm

after getting shouted at a heap by people you particularly like, you can finally go home, ignoring lashton who is making out in the back of the van

6:30 pm

after not going to sleep, you decide on having tea.

7:00 pm

after half an hour of arguing, finally just decide on room service.

8:00 pm 

randomly fall asleep.

9:00 pm

wake up hungry and needing to pee.

9:30 pm

finally decide to get up from the comfortable position and do what you need.

1:00 am

stay awake for another hour before you have four hours until you need to be up.

6:00 am

repeat.

*


	19. 19 {truth}

*

'i cant be fucked doing anything ever.'

'you say that all the time luke, but them you find ashton.'

'jealous?'

'just sick of the noises, right michael?'

'oooh, yeeeeeah, faster, nugh.'

'shut it.'

'dont worry babe, its cute.'

'hes only saying that because he likes you.'

'if he were in our situation.'

'your right...'

'knew it.'

'... i would be jealous that two out of four people in this house are getting some...'

'what.'

'... together...'

'thats just no.'

'not even a little.'

'im going to our room now.'

'and that is how you clear out a room.'

'go join your boyfriend!'

'and dont forget, tomorrow we have an interview!'

of course luke knew about the interview. no one would let him or ashton forget about it, because they had an important decision to make, though they had made it long ago.

he was way to nervous though. both him and ashton were. two month ago they had successfully gotten rid of derek, not seeing nor having any contact with him since. the fans had seen through that though, knowing it was fake, and that made luke the slightest bit better that no one would miss derek.

'tomorrows the big day.' ashton whispered as they sat on the bed together, ashton cuddled up into lukes body as luke had his arms wrapped around ashton protectively, chin resting on his head.

'its finally here.' a sigh escaped ashton lips as he closed his eyes, because honestly he was exhausted, and his nerves werent helping.

'can we sleep?'

'its four in the afternoon though...'

'please.'

'... yeah, okay.'

*

as the two of them sat backstage before the interview they were preparing themselves for what was going to happen.

1) no one would give a shit.

2) people would accept.

3) people would spazz out and hate them.

to be honest, ashton and luke were leaning towards number one more.

'you boys ready?' louis had asked as him and harry flounced through the doors, here for moral support having gone through the same thing.

'nerves.' ashton commented and luke nodded in agreement. he thought it was nerve-wracking coming out but this was worse.

'just remember, you two - much like we were and still are - are shipped big time. some people will hate it, some wont, but the majority will accept it and if they dont...'

'fuck them.' harry smiled towards his boyfriend as louis finished his sentence. ashton and luke nodded, hugging the two before leaving to meet the other boys.

'you can do this guys.'

'i love how your faith in us is much bigger than our own.'

the others simply laughed as luke shook his head. he noticed that ashton was continuously gnawing at his lip so in effort to stop him, luke kissed him gently before they were made to go one stage.

'and now, 5 seconds of summer!'  
as they walked out onto the stage, smiles on their faces as luke dropped ashtons hand they sat down.

a couple minutes before the interview was over the interviewer asked the question they had been waiting for.

'so who are you boys dating, actually before that, who is dating someone?'

'me and luke.' ashton smiled calmly, or at least as calmly as he could.

'okay, so luke, which man has your heart at the moment?' she smiled and luke took a deep breath.

'just some curly kid called ashton irwin...'

*


	20. 20 {fear}

*

'oh really? and when did this happen?' the interviewer asked, no glare, no change in her voice, just the same.

'about... a couple months back?' ashton looked at luke, relieved and luke nodded, smiling slightly, glad it was okay.

'yeah, that seems about right.'

'well, i can imagine the girls going crazy over, yet another, ship come to life. this is emeilia harris, goodnight.' a buzzing sound called and we were released.

'so boys, this will be released in about... two days, so that gives you time to prepare.' emeilia walked off with a smile as luke rejoined hands with ashton. as they got into the dressing room, they went straight to the couch and connected into each others embrace.

'ive no idea what we were scared off.' ashton whispered as he closed his eyes, both boys tired from how early they woke up. the other fours boys just sat on the other side of the room, knowing the other two just wanted to sleep.

'hmmmm.' luke sighed contently as he found himself drifting off, not caring that they had to leave in half an hour.

*

as the two kept refreshing their phones only two days later, they found themselves way to nervous to care about anything else, hence why they were locked in their room. the other two had left, knowing they - yet again - wanted space, and they were happy to provide it.

after refreshing only fifteen more times - it may seem like allot to you and i, but to them it equaled to one refresh - the comments started flowing.

'@Zouis_Staph: LAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSHHHHTTTOOOOON'

'@RockMeeeeeee: FUCKING KNEW IT!'

'@Jordan_Boyd3: CALLED IT, I CALLED IT!'

'@dfnbjdfnbidfjnboi: i told all of you ages ago.'

'@bdfkjnsfkjbndfjkb: ITS LASHTON FEVER!'

'@totesnarry: don't tell me no ever again because fuck yeah! two ships come to life!'

and so many more. but then they had the hate ones, that actually werent that bad.

'@nojustno; people in bands getting together ruin the bands.'

'@fbjndkijn: they did it with larry and i was like fuck yeah but just no on lashton.'

of course, they only saw like... five negative comments because the positive ones were just flowing in, every second their seemed to be about two hundred plus more, it was pretty surreal. they also saw people with songs on their relationship, and sure, they agreed with some of them. but the two main ones they liked were 'dirty little secret' by AllAmericanRejects and 'empire' by shakira.

the two later fell asleep - it had been a very exhausting day - in each others embrace, to tired to do anything but snuggle and kiss.

*

allamericanrejects - dirty little secret

Let me know that I've done wrong  
When I've known this all along  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know?

When we live such fragile lives  
It's the best way we survive  
I go around a time or two  
Just to waste my time with you

Tell me all that you've thrown away  
Find out games you don't wanna play  
You are the only one that needs to know

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret

Who has to know?

The way she feels inside  
(Inside)  
Those thoughts I can't deny  
(Deny)  
These sleeping dogs won't lie  
(Won't lie)  
And now I try to lie  
It's eating me apart  
Trace this life line

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret)

I'll keep you my dirty little secret  
(Dirty little secret)  
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret  
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)  
My dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret  
Dirty little secret

Who has to know?  
Who has to know?

*

shakira - empire

Take off all of your skin  
And brave when you are free  
Shake off all of your sins  
And give them to me  
Close up, let me back yea  
I wanna be yours, wanna be your hero  
And my heart beats

Like the empires of the world unite  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
You're my wildfire every single night  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
And you touch me  
And I'm like and I'm like and I'm like  
Wooo wooo  
And I'm like woo woo  
And I'm like woo woo  
And I'm like woo

I will follow you down wherever you go  
I, I'm, baby, I'm bound to you and do you know?  
Closer, pull me in tight  
I wanna be yours, wanna be your hero  
And my heart beats

Like the empires of the world unite  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
You're my wildfire every single night  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
And you touch me  
And I'm like and I'm like and I'm like  
Woo woo  
We are alive  
Woo woo  
And I'm like woo woo  
We are alive  
Woo

I'm just gonna raise my head  
Welcome to the final edge  
And I'm gonna fall  
I'm just gonna raise my head  
And hold you close

Like the empires of the world unite  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
You're my wildfire every single night  
We are alive  
And the stars make love to the universe  
And you touch me  
And I'm like and I'm like and I'm like  
Woo woo  
And I'm like woo woo  
And I'm like woo woo  
And I'm like woo

*


	21. 21 {date night}

*

'are we going now?'

'no.'

'why not?'

'its to early.'

'its only like...'

'midday.'

'so, its never too early fo-'

'unless you want to die, shut up, we still have seven hours to wait.'

'ohhh, keeping track of time are we now luke?'

'can someone punch ashton in the face? i mean seriously.'

'you love me.'

'why else would i put up with you otherwise?'

'oh nice.'

'anything for you.'

'eve-'

'no, seven, thats final.'

'fuck you.'

'you wish.

this was a thing that had been happening lately. everytime ashton and luke had a date, ashton would try to get them to leave early, like how hes currently trying to get them to leave seven hours earlier. of course, for the others it was hilarious because luke was trying to get ashton to shut up, which ashton just could not do.

'guys, give it a rest, you do this every time.' michael stated through his giggles, because as many times as they fought, it was funny, and it just kept getting better.

'tell ashton to shut up.'

'then surprise me so i dont annoy you.'

'i did that once and you were complaining about not being dressed appropriately.'

'i had the right to, i was wearing those old jeans and a tank top with holes in it.'

'we were in the park with mac donalds.'

'you still could have told me.'

'no.'

*

'can we go now?'

'finally, yes we can leave.'

'oh yay.'

luke was first out the door because, as much as he loved ashton, he had come to learn - in the year after coming out to public - that as soon as the date was over, ashton would leave him alone and just either want sleep or sex. either one was fine with luke.

as they bid goodbye to the other two boys they left the house, walking down to the nearest bowling alley, making ashton smile. he always loved a game or two and luke knew that.

'can we start now?' luke only nodded at his boyfriend and he bounded over to the counter to wait for luke so they could get the shoes. ashton didnt try pay as they had a system. if you took the other on a date, you paid, it just so happened luke had more plans for dates than ashton.

'adorable.' luke muttered as he went and joined a enthusiastic ashton by the counter.

*

'yes! in your face! shame! i won!' luke just laughed as ashton was jumping about the bowling alley. this was a thing that luke loved about ashton, he was so competitive, but he made it cute and adorable.

'alright, i got it, now come on, lets just get some subway and head home.'

'but its only nine.' ashton pouted as luke chuckled.

'i know, but we need to leave, we have to start our tour tomorrow, remember?'

'fiiineee.' luke simply chuckled and kissed ashtons forehead as they left.

after getting subway and just wandering around it was nearly ten and both boys were exhausted, so they just decided on going to bed straight away since they had to get up and five am the next morning, against their wishes.

'night luke.'

'night ash.'

*


	22. 22 {memory 3}

*

Ashton was freaking out as he ran around the house getting ready for his date with Luke. It was their first date and Ashton didn't want to stuff it up; he really, really liked Luke.

Ashton froze as he heard a knock on the door, which would have to be Luke. He quickly ran to the mirror and checked himself out. He was wearing a maroon jumper and skinny jeans, he could've looked better, but he had no time to change now.

He walked up to the front door and he opened it, blushing as he saw Luke standing there looking as handsome as always. "Hey" Luke smiled and greeted the older boy. "You look cute" He added, making Ashton blush.

"You don't look to bad yourself" Ashton laughed and he took in the sight of Luke. He was wearing skinny jeans and a Nirvana shirt, as well a black beanie that sat perfectly on his head.

"Why thank you" Luke laughed and he bit his bottom lip. He was usually pretty confident when it came to first dates and just dates in general actually, but Ashton was different; he didn't know what it was but he had butterflies in his stomach. "You ready to go?" He asked.

Ashton smiled and nodded, grabbing his phone and his wallet. He walked out the door and he smiled as Luke led him to the car, opening the door for him. "Thanks Luke" He muttered.

They made small talk as they made their way to the cinema, talking about everything and nothing in such a small amount of time. They both felt a little uneasy and nervous, but they pushed those feelings aside, not wanting to make a fool of themselves.

When they arrived at the cinema Luke rushed around to Ashton's side of the car, opening his door before Ashton could even do it himself. "Thanks Luke" He laughed slightly and he got out of the car and walked into the large building with Luke.

They got the tickets and the snacks, Luke paying for it all despite Ashton's protests, and they went into the cinema and found some seats. Half way through the movie Luke managed to slip his hand into Ashton's, intertwining their fingers, making Ashton blush furiously.

After the movie had finished Luke and Ashton exited the cinema laughing about something funny that happened in the movie. They didn't realise that they were still holding hands until they had to let go to get into the car.

All of Ashton's nerves were gone and he was happy that the date went well. "You know, I was actually pretty nervous before this date" Ashton admitted and he laughed.

"Me too, but I think it went perfectly. I'm really happy you said yes to this date" Luke smiled and blushed slightly. He didn't even think that Ashton would say yes, let alone enjoy the date.

They pulled up to Ashton's house and both of the boys looked at each other, not really wanting for the date to have to end already. "I really enjoyed tonight Ash" Luke smiled and a light blush covered his cheeks.

Ashton giggled quietly and he bit his bottom lip. "I really enjoyed it too, we have to do it again sometime" He smiled softly and before he knew it, Luke's lips were pressed against his. The kiss didn't last for very long, but as Ashton laid in bed that night he couldn't stop thinking about how perfect it felt.

*


	23. 23 {dream 3}

*

luke sighed as he paced back and forth.

how should he do it?

was it the right way?

can you do this?

of course you can.

no, we cant!

we can if you have faith.

we tried once already and we were too fucking nervous!

did you really need to bring that up?

YES! 

of course lukes mind was a bundle of nerves, just like him. this was a very important night and a simple 'no' could ruin it all.

of course all other seven boys knew that he was doing this, they nearly killed him when he chickened out the first time, but here he was, doing it for real.

tonight he was asking ashton to marry  
him.

he sighed the eight boys looked at him. he was about ready to have another panic attack and it seemed louis noticed because next thing he was dragging luke out the door.

'you okay?'

'i just need to go for a walk.' luke stuttered as he started taking heavy breaths, he really needed to calm down, and fast.

'how much time do you have?'

'its what? one fifty six now soo... less than seven hours oh my god.' and he was hyperventilating again.

'luke, luke calm!' louis slapped his shoulder a couple times as they reached the end of the corner.

'how did you stay so calm?' luke as louis as they took a seat on a park bench.

'to be honest? i was a nervous wreck mate, though your panic attacks make you a worse case. i just had someone named luke to help me out.'

'we are the men in the relationships aren't we?' luke thought out loud. louis had proposed to harry and luke was proposing to ashton so that had to stand for something.

'i guess you could say that.'

'yknow, i never truly thanked you, or any of the boys for that matter.'

'thanked us for what?'

'not killing me or giving up on me.' louis only laughed.

'the only reason we didnt kill you was for ashton, if he was gone we would have, no hesitation.'

'yes but if ashton wasnt their, then why kill me?'

'from boredom?'

*

and so luke found himself sitting in front of the moonlight at mid night with ashton admiring the stars and moon around them as luke felt a heavy weight in his pocket.

'its amazing.' ashton spoke breathlessly, and luke looked up with a queasy smile.

'it is isnt it?' he looked back down at ashton to find him looking at him with a smile.

'if you were looking at me whilst saying that i would have hit you.' luke giggled a little, not even feeling embarrassed. around ashton their was nothing to feel embarrassed about.

'child abuse.' ashton rolled his eyes.

'and what about all those times you abused me huh? elder abuse.'

'its not abuse because you loved it.'

'cant really deny that, you get fucking rough sometimes.'

'you love it.'

'i love you.'

and so luke took this as his cue, taking a deep breath a ashton smiled and looked up at the stars again.

'ashton...' luke whispered, causing ashton to look at luke as he slowly sunk to one knee, reaching into his pocket, making ashtons eyes widen.

'luke?' suddenly luke was deciding if this was still a good idea or not, but it was to late to back out now. he coughed and cleared his throat.

'ashton... weve been friends for so many years, dating for about five, probably way less if you count out me being a dick in the middle of it and fucking it up but yknow... shit happens and we got past that some-'

'luke.' ashton coughed because shit, luke was blabbering. he simply shook his head and swallowed,

'right... ashton, ive loved you forever, ill love you forever, so... will you marry me?' he choked out as ashton sink to both his knees, connecting lips as the two kneeled on the ground, kissing slowly and lovingly.

'of course idiot.'

and so luke slipped on the simple silver band onto ashtons finger as he gently pushed ashton onto his back.

'i love you.'

'i love you more.'

'wanna go bitch?'

'bring it.'

'maybe later, we have something to do first.'

'well then.'

*

yet as luke awoke the next morning he looked to his ring finger and saw an exact replica of ashtons ring from his dream on his finger.

because that was no dream, it was a memory he was reliving.

*


	24. 24 {weddings}

*

ashton was nervous, beyond nervous. today was the day, the biggest day of his life, because of one thing.

he was marrying luke.

'daddy, it will be fine.' ellie - his and lukes 7 year old daughter - smiled as she walked into the room, wearing a fluffy pink dress with flowers and ruffles all over it. it didnt look that pretty in the store but it looked amazing on ellie. or maybe that was just ashton going insane.

'i know bub, you look amazing.' she giggled as ashton pushed aside her black hair to kiss her cheek. he beamed at the black haired, green eyed girl with pride. the two had adopted ellie last year at the start of it, and she was nothing like expected.

ellie had grown fond of luke and ashton quite quickly, taking more to ashton than luke at first though, but after around six months realized that the two would do her no harm and now she couldnt choose a favorite daddy.

'thank you daddy, daddy said the same thing.' ellie also had a habit of calling both luke and ashton daddy, not that either of them minded.

'what was daddy like?' all ashton really wanted to know was that luke felt the same as him, nervous as fuck.

'daddy told me not to tell daddy.' ellie giggled as ashton groaned. all ashton needed was the comfort of luke at his side and he had to wait another five or seven minutes before he could finally see luke.

'ashton, son?' ashton felt a clamp on his shoulder and and turned to see his father standing their with a smile.

'hey dad.' he smiled as ellie raced out of the room, getting ready to leave as flower girl.

'hey squirt, ready?'

'why not?' ashton laughed shakily as they took a step out of the room. luke and ashton didnt bother to make this formal, they hated wearing suits, so instead it was normal clothing, hence why ashton was wearing some ripped jeans and just a plain black t-shirt, with no bandana or hat on his head.

even his parents - really formal and fancy people - werent wearing anything extraordinary like they usually did.

'yknow, i never thought id be walking someone down the aisle, let alone my son, but im glad i am.' ashton smiled at his father,

'dont make me cry before i even get down the aisle.' ashtons father only laughed, but all of it was true, ashtons dad was really proud of ashton, for not being - that - afraid to do what he wanted. he stood up against luke, risking losing it all only to lose it all but then gain it all back, extras included.

the extras being getting ellie and not having to keep secrets. it seemed that long ago luke had gotten over that kink without even knowing, because even though they were pretty attractive - somehow, it was hard to explain - the thought of losing ashton again was worse. even more so if he lost ellie as well.

he just couldnt cope with that.

luke realized all of these things as he stood a the end of the alter, playing with the bracelets on his wrists as the hum of talking buzzed around him. he and ashton had agreed no grooms men or best man or the lady things because it would just be effort choosing from their best mates, and if they chose the same person, even worse. so it was just the two of them and their parents that were meant to be at the end of the alter.

the others, they didnt mind. they knew that this wasnt their day, but only ashton and lukes, and they were willing to do anything the two please, just to make sure they finally got what they wanted.

each other.

of course, they already had each other, and everyone knew it. they just wanted to make it official, so that the world could see that the other person was off limits, no special exceptions. this was all they wanted in life.

and as luke stood awkwardly in his normal ripped skinny jeans and white tank top, bands on his wrists when he first made eye contact with ashton from the other side of the room, he knew.

ashton knew.

everyone knew.

that they finally had what they wanted most of all.

each other.

fin.

*


	25. 25 {5 years on}

*

'hey boys.' luke smiled as he welcome louis and harry into the house. it had been quite a while - almost five months - since they had last seen any of the boys.

one direction had finished the contract only months after luke and ashtons wedding, and it was quite nice since little mixes contract ended around the same time, meaning zayn and perrie could start a family.

'hey, wheres ashton?' harry asked walking in, neither of them used to seeing one without the other. but luke just smiled.

'hes with the other lads, you know the way.' the couple nodded and stalked off as luke shut the door and walked upstairs to check on the kids.

'daddy!' he smiled as ellie came rushing up the him, brand new barbie held tightly in her hand.

'hello birthday girl.' the now twelve year old beamed at one of her dads. the reason for all the lads being here was ellies birthday, it was a surprise though.

'can i go downstairs now?'

'yeah, your birthday gifts down their also.' and ellie was off. she had been waiting for her present for hours now, being stuck in her bedroom and she was excited to see what it was.

luke and ashton had been good enough parents to get michael, calum, niall, liam, zayn, harry, louis, perrie, dani, sophia and eleanor all around.

though eleanor and louis werent dating - publicity stunt - they all remained close friends, same with sophia, liam and dani.

as luke trailed behind ellie he heard a squeal of excitement. luke smiled and leaned against the door frame as ellie was hugging her honorary aunts and uncles.

ashton caught the eye of luke and smiled as luke laughed quietly and shook his head, walking over to ashton and laying behind him, kissing him gently.

in this moment they savoured it, it had been a couple of years since 5 seconds of summer stopped and it hadnt been long since they saw michael and calum, but they still savoured every moment with them all.

but they all knew, all was well.

no more dirty little secrets.

*


	26. 26 {kittens}

*

'what else do you want to add ellie?'

'a kitty... and more sparkles! and purple! and pink! and... and rainbow! and kitty!'

the kindergarten teacher, ms adams, simply smiled at the girl, who was surprising her daddies with a picture.

'so more everything?'

'apart from brown and black...'

'why not those?'

'yucky colours, daddy and daddy no like.'

'but your daddies like your hair.'

ellie simply looked in the distance for a moment before smiling, her pale hands reaching for a yellow marker.

'only like ellies hair, none else.'

ms adams simply smiled and moved onto some of the other kids in the class, letting ellie continue with her picture.

when it was time for ellie to be picked up, both luke and ashton got out of the car upon teachers request and found ellie crying.

'whats wrong hun?'

ashton rushed towards the girl, pulling her into a hug as she cried harder, the ms adams simply frowned.

'she was working all day on a picture for you, but then one of the other girls ripped it up.'

ms adams, or saundra, held up the tattered picture and ellie cried deeper, her eyes becoming a darker shade of green as both parents frowned.

'thanks saundra, for taking care of her. really.'

'its no peblem, shes a sweetie.'

'by ms adum.'

'bye darling.'

'hey ellie, daddy and daddy have a surprise for you when we get home.'

the girl brightened up at the word surprise and smiled, tears still dripping down her cheeks.

when ashton and luke opened the door to the house, ellie was still clinging to ashton, knowing he was the better hugger.

'alright hun, no peeking.'

ellie giggle and squealed as she opened her eyes not a moment later to find a grey kitten on her lap.

all signs of sadness were gone as she patted it gently, stroking its ears.

'what do you want to name is hun?'

'cloudy.'

'cloudy?'

'like a cloudy cloud.'

ellie giggle again as the parents looked at each other, glad their daughter was smiling again.

as they watched tv and ellie stroked the cats fur, loving how soft it was, he looked at ashton and started absentmindedly running his fingers through ellies straight black hair.

just thinking about the life he could have missed out on.

*


End file.
